We're All Going to Die Someday

“Get-up. Get moving. You know you want to go to that wildflower hike and by the look of the sun, it’s already 8 or 9.”

I know. I know. But this bed just feels so good. Can’t you feel how soft everything is, how warm. I’m not ready to move yet. You know you want to stay here too.

“OK, but only for a little while.”

My body sinks deeper into the bed, pulls the blanket in tighter. My mind goes to that place somewhere between dreams and reality where everything seems possible….

“OK. Time to get-up. Time to move….You can do it. Just push off the covers, put on some clothes and get moving. It’ll be fine once you get started.”

OK.

My mind is already moving toward the kitchen, wondering what to make for breakfast. My body curls up into a ball...

“You said you were getting up. Come on.”

Yeah, I know, but it’s not gonna happen. I know you want to start the day. I know you think it’s wrong to stay in bed. But how can something that feels so good, be so wrong? Besides when’s the last time you had a day without any appointments? Any commitments? Any responsibilities?

Yeah, I guess you’re right.

My mind and body float off somewhere up into a cloud.


That’s how my day starts. I don’t have a clock in my room. Keeping track of time by seconds, minutes, and hours is like chopping a person up into tiny little bits and then saying each piece is the same. I track time by the sun, the moon, and the seasons.

I finally get-up, put on my clothes, make my breakfast of beans and eggs – a taste of Guatemala. I turn on the computer. 10:15. I guess I missed that nature hike. Oh well, I think I got more out of sleeping anyway. I stream in some music from one of the many college stations around the country – KWVA right out of Eugene, Radio K from Minnesota, and KAOS out of Olympia. KAOS, that’s the best name ever for a radio station.

We’re all going to die, we’re all going to die, we’re all going to die some day – interesting lyrics to start the day off I think.

Wow, a whole day to myself with nothing to do. I used to have days like this all the time. Now I can’t remember when I last had a whole day without one slice of time where I had to be somewhere. I’ve got no commitments, no responsibilities, no goals, no plans, no schedule, no agenda, no nothing. Nothing to do but nothing. Freedom baby. That’s what I’m talking about.

Now what do I do? I could call Beth, see if she wants to hang out. No, today is a day all for myself. Let’s see, I can scan Don’s drawings for my zine, I can work on the eisil, I can go take pictures, draw, paste e-mails into my journal, read. There’s Bukowski, there’s Snow Falling on Cedars, shit, there’s all kinds of stuff I can be doing. How about the coffee shop? Yeah, I haven’t been to a coffee shop for awhile. So, I gather my journal, my books, and my water and I walk out the door.

The air is fresh. It smells of spring. There’s a steady breeze and everything is in bloom. Spring is the best season of them all. It speaks of life. But still I can’t help singing... We’re all going to die, we’re all going to die, we’re all going to die some day. Sing along if you're not immortal...

I get to the coffee shop, scan the people, look for cute girls, look for anyone interesting at all. There’s a girl with every square inch of her table covered in books and papers. Must be a student. I go in and order tea. The girl behind the counter is kind of cute. “I like your necklace,” I say as she hands me my tea. “Thanks, my partner bought it for me in Peru.” I knew she was going to say that.

I go back to the tables outside wondering why anybody would want to sit inside when they could be out here. I pick a table in the sun - no other will do - and I glance over to see what that girl is working on so studiously. Venga Espanol. Interesting.

“Are you a first year Spanish student,” I ask her hoping to recruit another student for the class I’m going to take - and just wanting to talk in general. “Actually, I teach first and second year students,” she says and then goes on to tell me all kinds of things about language, culture, and education, and how they’re all related. She taught English and helped build schools in Costa Rica and Nicaragua. She studied in a program called Education and Social Change, and now she wants to teach Spanish here in America. Language and social change are obviously her passion.

I admire people like that – people that have a clear vision on how to make the world a better place and go for it. My visions change from day to day, moment to moment, so I have a hard time going after anything.

After while, I go back to my table. She packs her books onto her bike, and pedals past me. “Bye John.” “Bye Monique.”

I sit at the busy intersection writing in my journal, watching people go by. The sun peaks its head out from behind the big, grey clouds now and then. I feel like a cat with nothing to do, but sit in the sun, stretch, and enjoy the day. And I still can’t get that song out of my head….We’re all going to die, we’re all going to die, we’re all going to die some day. Sing along if you’re not immortal. Then the whistling kicks in, wshhh, shhh, shhh… shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh. Wshhh, shhh, shhh… shhh, shhh, shh.