What Moves You (Part II)

This is the 2nd post in the series. Click here for the 1st.

Ty and Nat started talking about a conversation they had a while ago with some bigwigs up in Portland. They were having dinner with said bigwigs when everyone started going around the table and describing what drove them through life. Natalie’s driving force was change. This didn’t surprise me.

I first met Natalie and Tyrone immediately after the Ralph Nader campaign in 2000. We were fresh, young idealists, and change was in the air. We shared a vision – one where people lived in tune with the environment and in tune with each other - and we firmly believed with a little bit of hard work, we could make it happen. We had no idea how much the odds were stacked against us, but the cold, hard door of reality slammed in our faces quickly enough. Years later, we’re no longer the fresh, young idealists we used to be. “I wouldn’t bet on it,” Natalie said, referring to the change we all hoped for, “but I still believe it could happen, and that’s what keeps me going.”

I knew Tyrone’s answer before he even said it – compassion. Tyrone’s a reader, a thinker, a philosopher – an Eastern philosopher to be exact. Mixed between Natalie’s copy of Marx’s Kapital, and various offerings by Noam Chomsky, you’ll find books by The Dali Lama, Ken Wilbur, and other Eastern-type philosophers. Those are Tyrone’s. But my knowledge of his answer came from more than that. Tyrone and I are alike in a lot of ways – not all ways, but many – especially in matters of the mind and spirit.

Then, like I hoped they would, like I knew they would, they asked what drove me. “Whew, that’s a good question,” I said looking away, taking a deep breath, trying to concentrate. I knew the answer, but how to put it into words??? So, I just jumped in. “I want to feel alive. I want to feel everything,” I said thinking for a moment, “but then sometimes it all gets to be too much, and I don’t want to feel anything.” They were looking at me intensely. So I went on. “And it changes from day to day. Sometimes I’m driven by selfish desires and other times they’re more altruistic, and I can feel those forces inside me struggling all the time.” I took a deep breath again. My heart was pounding, my blood was pumping, my skin tingling. Tyrone and Natalie were nodding their heads in agreement – egging me on. “What I really want is freedom. I want to live in a world where people can be free to be who they really are without worrying about what others think, where people don’t have to be afraid to be different. I guess what I really want is a world where people don’t judge each other so harshly.” I looked at them, and they looked at me, and there was nothing more to say. At that moment, there were no more questions to answer, no more fears to slay, no more doubts to vanquish.

“Conformity,” Tyrone said and I knew he understood. We all knew. We knew because our answers were just different ways of saying the same thing. Where there is compassion, there is no judgment. Judgment can only occur when you separate yourself from someone or something, and if you have compassion, you cannot separate. As the Buddhists, Taoists, Hindus or any wise man or any wise woman would say, that’s when you become one. And I have to believe in a world where that’s possible. I have to believe in change. Because if I didn’t, I really wouldn’t see any point in anything.

What Moves You

This is the first in a 2 part series....

After a long, hard week Tyrone and Natalie were on a mission for oysters and champagne. “Meet us over at the Marche,” Tyrone told me over the phone. “I don’t know. That place is pretty fancy isn’t it?” “Not in the bar,” he promised. That was good, cause I was wearing my black hoody complete with three holes resembling a ghost’s face on my sleeve, a pair of jeans, and a ratty pair of skateboard shoes that should’ve been replaced a long time ago. And I wasn’t about to change what I was wearing just to meet-up for a few drinks. Some people are all worried about style. My style is a lack of style.

I rode over there through the surprisingly warm March evening. When I walked in Ty and Nat were sitting there, champagne flutes in hand, and a big silver tray full of ice and empty oyster shooters on the half shell on table. “We saved one for you,” they said. “Cool, I haven’t had oysters in a while." I ate it. Mmmm-hmmm, it was the best oyster I ever had – fresh from the Northwest. The Marche is a little too snazzy for my taste, but all their ingredients are local. So, as far as snazzy places go, they’re ok.

We were all in a good mood for some reason. Maybe it was the weather, maybe it was the company, maybe it was the champagne and beer - probably all three. We talked about things like old roommates, Tennessee Williams’ Streetcar Named Desire, and sustainability. Natalie is the “sustainability expert” for an organic foods distributor, and we’re all a bunch of ex-Green Party radicals, so, we pretty much always end-up talking sustainability at some point. I looked at the champagne, the oysters, and thought of Natalie’s “sustainability” conference stories - the Hilton motels, the flame grilled salmon, the constant flying from one place to another. I saw nothing but contradictions. But I kept my opinions to myself. Who am I to burst their bubble? I've got plenty of my own contradictions. Besides their hearts are in the right place. Yeah, yeah, I know. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Well then, take me to hell.

Continued in Part II.